At 9:45 p.m. April 30, I signed off a journal entry:
"Don't want to leave. Scared to go."
It was the last day of classes, and one of many moments in recent weeks when the thought of leaving Notre Dame made my heart ache.
It's happening again as I write this, and ask myself how I can possibly capture my Notre Dame experience in 450 words. This feeling is not sadness - I have a store of wonderful memories with dear friends. And it's not fear - that will wait until after graduation.
It's the onset of uncertainty after four years of easily measured achievement, friends four steps away, and Mary's comforting gaze.
Of course uncertainty has not been absent during my time here. When I arrived as a freshman, I wondered if I could find happiness and health after a difficult senior year in high school.
As a sophomore, I scrapped Mendoza plans for American Studies, albeit hesitantly.
Junior year, uncertainty crept up on me in O'Hare Airport minutes before boarding my flight for London.
And senior year, not surprisingly, has been marked by questions about how to earn a living and find fulfillment after graduation.
In every case, I have found solace when I stopped seeking answers, and started accepting the question marks.
Alums say you never really leave Notre Dame - that your heart stays here forever. Others have told me Notre Dame never really leaves you, remaining a part of every graduate.
But as seniors, we can't be certain this will be true for ourselves. Nor can we know if our jobs will be satisfying, if we'll have what it takes to do them well, or if we'll ever have as much fun, or find as much peace, as we did at Notre Dame.
So I suppose all we can do is have faith. It's the kind of faith you have on football Saturdays here, when you walk into the Stadium and are convinced, even against the mightiest opponent, that we have a fighting chance.
This lesson was the hardest and most valuable one I learned here: some matters, some questions, are best left to faith.
Dr. Seuss wrote an entire book about the places you'll go, making the future seem so lovely. It's unnerving, though, standing at the start of the rest of your life and having no way of knowing what awaits. But we are capable, talented, driven - and we all have a fighting chance.
So to Notre Dame's class of 2008, keep the faith.
We'll move mountains.
Mary Kate Malone is moving to Pittsburgh, Penn. after graduation to work for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette for the summer (or, if she's lucky, forever). She would like to thank her parents, brother and sister for their love and support during the last four years. (I did it!)
She can be contacted at mmalone3@nd.edu
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.
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