Holidays provide meaningful opportunities to pay respect to the spirits of deceased ancestors, celebrate eternal love, honor the gods or, in the case of Russia’s Conception Day, to procreate. Although Russia’s Conception Day is not widely known or celebrated, it is one of my favorite holidays.
Russia’s population is declining. Nationally, deaths outnumber births 1.6 to 1, contributing to a natural population decline of over 3 million people from 2016 to 2024. The government has been working hard to get the number of Russian babies to rise. But of all the incentives aimed at reducing its citizens’ celibacy, Conception Day is the most unorthodox. The concept is beautifully simple: on Sept. 12, couples are given the day off from work to procreate and repopulate the country. Then, nine months later, on Russia Day, couples who give birth are rewarded with prizes such as cash, televisions, refrigerators and cars.
The holiday began in 2005 in the region of Ulyanovsk, where Lenin was born 135 years, one month and 21 days too soon for his parents to be eligible to receive a new washing machine for giving birth to baby Vladimir and changing the course of history. The program quickly gained traction. In its second year, over 500 couples participated, and nine months later, three times as many babies were born on June 12 as the daily average. However, the results are not straightforward. Those families may have had children regardless, and opportunistically timed their pregnancies to have a chance at a new SUV. If not, the fact that people are willing to commit to raising a child for over 18 years just for the chance at winning a new refrigerator illustrates how much people value well-preserved food.
As far as Russian state policy goes, this one is quite unconventional. A true embodiment of a plan so crazy it just might work … maybe even at Notre Dame. I propose Feb. 26 for our new holiday, nine months before the day Fr. Edward Sorin founded Our Lady’s University. This holiday would allow Notre Dame alumni (with the intention and means to create a loving and supportive home for a child) to take the day to work towards increasing the Fighting Irish fan base. Why is this important? According to a recent study, Notre Dame has the second-largest fan base in college football. Seems pretty good for a school with fewer than 9,000 undergraduate students, right? WRONG! Being number two is the reason our national championship drought continues yet another year. After all, none other than Ohio State outsizes the Irish fanbase by roughly 3 million utterly obnoxious Buckeye fans.
If Conception Day is what Russia is using to solve what Vladimir Putin asserts is Russia’s most acute problem, I see no reason why Notre Dame can’t also use it to solve our most pressing issue — not winning a national championship for the last 37 years.
Like Russia, we will provide prizes to incentivize procreation. Everything from season tickets to the promise that your child won’t be placed in Carroll if admitted can be used to encourage the enlargement of the Irish fanbase. Not to mention the grand prize: the Notre Dame-branded Holtz Hypertrail Xplorer Stroller™, equipped with cup holders and a golden dome-shaped canopy, perfect for taking the new baby on lake walks during a sunny day. In Russia, winners of the grand prize (a UAZ-Patriot) are judged based on “respectability” and “commendable parenting.” At Notre Dame, they will be evaluated on tailgating abilities and a commitment to ensuring the mind will not be cultivated at the expense of the heart.
But what about the students? Rest assured, I am not so radical as to suggest the same celebration on the undergraduate campus of a Catholic university. Instead, the students will be hard at work making strategic investments to nourish the University’s baby: the endowment. While our alumni use the day to create more members of Generation Alpha, our student body will be generating alphas.
Now, with my plan in place, there is only one small hiccup: Russia’s Conception Day has not successfully created a lasting increase in population. However, this is not something we should be concerned about. Despite some similarities between Notre Dame and Russia (famous dome buildings, harsh winters and a drinking culture to help us through them), Notre Dame does not have an ongoing war, economic instability, emigration or the legacy of the USSR’s collapse holding it back. Thus, it is more promising that Notre Dame Conception Day will bring an influx of Irish babies (the fanbase, not the nationality — Ireland’s population is already experiencing strong growth).
If all goes according to plan, “here come the Irish” will have a whole new meaning next November. Let us stand ready to welcome a new generation of children who must endure the brutal combo of plummeting acceptance rates and the pressure to get into Notre Dame so their parents can vicariously relive their glory days. Only through Notre Dame Conception Day can we ensure our sons and daughters march on to victory.
