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Sunday, June 16, 2024
The Observer

The dorms go to preschool

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Liya Blitzer | The Observer
Liya Blitzer | The Observer


Keough (1996) wants to be the next Steve Irwin. He never goes anywhere without his Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals, “Kanga” and “Roo,” for security. Keough enjoys pulling the other kids on the classroom chariot, their red Radio Flyer wagon, while pretending he is a pair of golden horses.

O’Neill (1996) is a big trouble maker. The preschool teachers have had their hands full keeping his anger under control, and they have made it clear in parent-teacher conferences that he would have been kicked out if his three siblings — they are quadruplets, of course — were not model students. O’Neill has a notorious history of setting fire to various objects with which he comes in contact, such as alphabet charts, the wooden blocks in the playpen and his sisters’ hair. 

McGlinn (1997) is a born performer. She seeks the limelight, and she is the first in line for the dress-up box and to try out for the talent show. Due to being a big risk taker and her habit of staging baby bets with Goldfish, McGlinn’s teachers suspect that she might turn into a bit of a gambler when she grows up.

Welsh Family (1997) is a wild child. Always following adventure, she lives a spontaneous life on the playground, turning cartwheels, hanging upside down on the monkey-bars and running in circles. Welsh Family has good intentions, but she gets into a fair share of mischief, such as tricking her friends into drinking milk cartons with ketchup and mustard mixed in. 

Duncan (2008) is an old soul, often teased by his peers for his anachronistic gothic style. Wholly unaffected by their insults, he spurns their comments by wearing a green blazer on Fridays, though the sleeves are a tad too long for his 4T size. When Duncan is not forced to listen to “The Wheels on the Bus,” he is found listening to Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole. 

Ryan (2009) is the ultimate daddy’s girl. She cries everyday when her father drops her off, but cheers up when she is allowed to wear the aqua and navy Cinderella dress. Ryan likes to boss the other kids around during playtime, but her peers admit that she has good ideas. She keeps extra Disney princess fruit snacks in her cubby in case she doesn’t like the snack of the day that the teachers serve.

Dunne (2016), more extraverted than his twin Flaherty, demonstrates an unceasing pursuit of knowledge, which he intends to use for classroom power. He is always the first to volunteer in preschool exercises and loves being the line leader. Dunne shows great promise as a future business leader. 

Flaherty (2016), sensitive and emotional, carries around a collection of miniature Care Bears which she uses to indicate her feelings at the moment. Typically shy, she will open up to other children who show an interest in playing with the stuffed bears. But Flaherty is also possessive and has a tendency to scratch anyone who she suspects of wanting to steal her precious bears.

Baumer (2019), the new kid, is amazingly well put together. With a similar resemblance and fashion style to Dunne, the two have been known to butt heads in alpha male tension. Baumer has an overabundance of confidence due to being sent to school early, but Dunne is angered that they now let three-year-olds in preschool and thinks that an older kid should lead the pack. 

Johnson Family (2020) is a mystery to even her teachers. Quiet and mystical, she often suddenly appears and disappears, leading everyone to wonder if she is just a wanderer or some sort of mythical creature. As none of the teachers have ever seen Johnson Family’s parents, her origins are unknown.