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Sunday, May 26, 2024
The Observer

Please fix Stanford Hall’s washers

Dear Notre Dame,I live in Stanford Hall. As you may know, our dorm holds approximately 220 students, most of whom wear clothes every day. Usually, when someone wears clothes, they become dirty. What do dirty clothes require? Well, they need to be washed, of course! It is too bad that such a task is impossible in Stanford Hall.Since the beginning of this semester, Stanford Hall has had two consistently working washing machines. Three are perpetually broken or malfunctioning. After performing some division, an administrator with particular competence in arithmetic would realize that such a situation leaves one washer per 110 students. Our dutiful and diligent rector has filed multiple work orders to fix said washers, but after multiple rounds of maintenance, the washers remain in their unusable state. This dilemma, seemingly unnoticed by our administrators, has left the men of Stanford Hall with three choices.

  1. Wait for hours to find an open and functioning washer
  2. Soak your clothes in washers 4 and 5 and spend hours trying to dry them
  3. Don’t wash your clothes
Now I have not outlined our seemingly insoluble predicament merely to complain. Rather, after much contemplation, brainstorming, collaboration and research, I think I have arrived at a solution worth taking a chance on. It may be a shot in the dark, overly ambitious or perhaps even downright unattainable, but hear me out …Please either fix our washers or buy us new ones. Thank you!

Brendan McMahon


March 23

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.