Love is scribbled somewhere in pen on the pages of a William Carlos Williams poetry collection on New York City's Upper East Side.
S. Holden Jaffe, best known under the stage name Del Water Gap, was exploring his late grandfather's study when he came across a love note scratched in the margins of Williams' most famous poem "This is Just to Say." In an interview with Vogue Magazine, Jaffe says "At the top of the poem, it says, ‘Dear Pat,’ and underneath it says, ‘Love, David. I miss you already, and I haven’t left yet,’ written by my grandfather."
The line became the title of Del Water Gap's sophomore release “I Miss You Already + I Haven't Left Yet” (“IMYA + IHLY”), and its sentiment — one of anticipatory grief — became the album's core theme.
If you were to briefly glance at “IMYA + IHLY,” you could definitely categorize it as a break-up album. With tracks titled “Losing You” and “Gone In Seconds,” it looks like it would shape up that way. But categorizing “IMYA + IHLY” as a break-up album would be a disservice to Jaffe's creative mission. The album dares to dive into more complex territory, painting a portrait of an unfulfilling relationship — one that Jaffe knows is failing but can‘t bring himself to end.
Lyrics like “Let me leave, I don’t wanna know / … / And there’s no way out, there’s no way out” and “I needed a change but I wasn’t brave enough / I needed a beer, and a hug, and a way out of the crater” illustrate how trapped Jaffe truly feels. The strength of Jaffe's devastating songwriting is disguised by the cheery sounds of indie poptimism — much like a picture-perfect relationship can disguise deeper, and more insidious, issues.
Also, it sounds like Jaffe misses his old self as much as he misses his lover. He writes about being so enthralled with something — whether that be a girl or the process of becoming a pop star — that you forget yourself in the process. “IMYA + IHLY” was penned in spare seconds stolen between sets on tour, so it's no wonder the album is filled with feelings of instability and distance. Nowhere feels like home anymore, not his lover and certainly not himself.
Sophomore releases are always tough for me to review because I have a tendency to compare them to the artist’s debut. “IMYA + IHLY” is just a bit short of the production quality and dimension that made Del Water Gap's self-titled debut so incredible: the drums and the crescendo of Jaffe's voice in the chorus of “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat,” the bassline of “Better Than I Know Myself” and the rhythm of my personal favorite “Perfume.” “IMYA + IHLY” lacks layers and falls flat because of it. But maybe that isn't the point.
Comparison is the thief of joy. An artist's first release typically has more to prove. A second release should be allowed to be a little worse. It gives the artist leeway to experiment with their sound and artistic voice; that's what Jaffe did here.
Despite its flaws, “I Miss You Already + I Haven't Left Yet” made me feel something. It reminded me of a dedication I scribbled down in an edition of “The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America” — a book that was never gifted to its intended recipient. It reminded me of a time when I clung to a terrible relationship because I thought it was what I deserved. It reminded me of how much I was dreading that breakup conversation, and how grateful I am that I had the courage to leave.
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