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Tuesday, April 16, 2024
The Observer

Six things ND students should be scared of this Halloween

1. Being at the back of the southwest salad line

It’s a dark and stormy Thursday afternoon. You’re in your final class before lunch. The only thing louder than the roar of the thunder is the grumble of your stomach. The professor finishes the last slide and is about to end class when a question from a student sends them into a long tangent, keeping you an extra four minutes past the end of class. Four minutes you can’t afford to lose. You sprint toward NDH, but you know it’s too late. Once there, you face the long and winding southwest salad line. There’s no fast pass that can save you here. You shuffle your feet to the back of the line and look out with horror at the long journey ahead of you. By the time you get your food, your friends will be long gone. There is no place more grim than the back of the southwest salad line. 

2. Sam Hartman without a beard

There’s no question that Sam Hartman has been a savior for the Notre Dame football team. His spot-on passing, ability to run the ball on fourth and sixteen and unwavering charisma have been a huge part of Notre Dame’s success this season. But that was Sam Hartman with the beard, and now it’s gone. This leaves us to wonder, who is Sam Hartman without a beard? It may seem crazy, but superstition and unwarranted fear is what spooky season is all about. Maybe the beard was his “it” factor. It was definitely thick enough to hide any secret weapons he may have been using. While nothing is for certain, fans have reason to be spooked heading into the Pitt game and the question of how Hartman will play without a beard will haunt us until then. 

3. The walk to class

This October, spooky scary skeletons aren’t the only thing sending shivers down your spine. As the temperature drops, walking to class becomes more and more dreadful. The walk to Debart now includes gray skies, wind tunnels, sleet and the screams of those not strong enough to make it. But Debart is nothing compared to some treks to Jenkins Nanovic or Jordan. In fact, Stephen King even published a horror novel called “The Long Walk,” which I can only presume is about the walk from Carroll Hall to Mendoza. And if the cold wasn’t enough, the threat of scooters is sure to haunt your nightmares. So this Halloween season, stay safe and stay indoors if you want to make it to Thanksgiving. 

4. Bear attacks

From 2015 to 2019 there were seven fatal bear attacks. In just the past three years there have already been eight. The bears are out there and they have upped their game. Although you have a better chance of getting struck by lightning than killed by a bear, that’s no reason to take this lightly. Although not a single bear attack has ever taken place in our lovely St. Joseph Country, that’s not a reason to let your guard down. This Halloween season, be alert and steer clear of the Flaherty Hall Bears just in case. 

5. Beth and Lou Holtz Family Grand Reading Room & the common cold

Spooky season is also sickness season. No one is safe from the sniffles and sore throats that attack innocent students. Yet schoolwork halts for no man and studying must go on. However, if you’re one of the victims of the common cold, under no circumstances should you step foot in the new reading room. To a healthy person, the Holz reading room provides the perfect classy study vibes for getting work done. But for the sick, this room should be treated as if it was covered in caution tape. Sleep-deprived students are the scariest creatures of all. One sneeze in that room and you might as well consider yourself a dead man. Rumor has it that the room is haunted by the ghosts of those who coughed one too many times. So if you start to feel that soreness in the back of your throat, run as far away from the reading room as you can.

6. Highly addictive mobile games

The highly addictive mobile game is the monster that no one sees coming. It hides in the shadows of the games folder on your phone until it has the opportunity to pounce. Once it does, there is little anyone can do to escape it. Innocent victims waiting for their Chick-fil-A or bored in class figure there’s no harm in opening up Crossy Road or Minesweeper. From there, it’s all they think about. When they close their eyes, all they see is their avatar crossing roads or sweeping mines. Soon, grades drop and friends are lost, for all they care about is breaking their high score. So beware of addictive mobile games. They are a spell that cannot easily be broken. 

Allison Abplanalp is a Sophomore Finance and Accounting major. If she could change one thing about the English language, she would make "a lot" one word. Her least favorite month is March because every year she is devastated when she fails to pick the perfect March Madness bracket.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.