Ode to love

Love has been on my mind a lot more than usual recently. I cannot pinpoint the exact reason why. Maybe it’s because Valentine’s day is next month or the new Bachelor season just started. It might be that my current read is “Everything I Know About Love” by Dolly Alderton. Or maybe it’s the simple fact that I am a 20-year-old single college girl and am constantly feeling like romance is something everybody seems to be experiencing — except for me.

The fact of the matter is romance always has been and probably always will be an all-consuming thought of mine. One might even say it’s my Roman Empire. My hang up on the strong emotion is directly tied to the relationship I have with romantic comedies, a love affair of its own that formed in my early teenage years. High school was very difficult for me, and in turn I ended up having a lot of down time. As a way to help boost my mood, my Gen X parents introduced me to a wide variety of classics from when they were young like ”Notting Hill” and ”Say Anything,” assuming that I would love them just as much as they did. They were right. As I continued to watch the tropes and storylines of films by directors like John Hughes and Nora Ephron, I quickly fell in love with the idea of being in love. At their core, rom-coms are designed to provide audiences with a sense of comfort and reassurance that, just like the movies, love is attainable. However, while these pictures filled me up with joy, they slowly but surely began to lead me to set unrealistic expectations about what romantic relationships actually look like in the real world. 

For the entirety of my college experience, nothing in my love life has been interesting enough to go run home about. At a tri-campus community that has an obvious infatuation with finding love and a track record of alumni marrying each other, I used to have high hopes that a romantic partner might be in closer proximity than I thought. My parents met in college, as did most couples I know, so it was inevitable that I assumed romance was waiting for me in South Bend. But as time has gone on, I have come to the realization that maybe that just isn’t the case for me, which sometimes leads me down a rabbit hole of stressing out about the future and asking myself “When will it be my turn?” 

I feel like the anxieties of finding someone to date are valid. Romantic love fulfills an emotional craving that is very different to other platonic relationships, and is an extremely normal thing for people to desire. I also feel like as a woman, love has always been a desire ingrained inside of me since I was really young. There have been many times where I truly begin to wonder if I have a problem, that is, until the people in my life remind me that everyone has their own timeline and we are all on our own path. If you were to take a look around at what your peers are doing, you will notice how everyone is doing their own thing. Some people are trying to secure a summer internship, while others are applying to grad school. Some people are abroad. Some people are engaged or married. Being in your 20s is very difficult and comes with so much change. It is important to not compare yourself to what others are doing and, even though it can be hard to do, learn to love the process of building your own life because everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

So while it is sometimes hard to do, try and notice the love. Love can be found at the bar, house parties and on dating apps. But it can also be found in the text your mom sent you this morning and the long conversation you had with your roommates. It can be found in the song you sent your friend because it reminded you of them and the hour you dedicated to working out. There truly is love at every corner you turn, and while romance is great, it is important to recognize and give credit to every form of love life has to offer.