On dorm culture from the inside

Every night around 11 p.m., my roommate and I sit and debrief about our day, complain about our classes and check our emails for dorm updates. Since being accepted into our fall study abroad programs, we have been excitedly planning to move back in together next spring.

When I first got here, I wanted nothing more than to live in a Notre Dame dorm. In the first column I ever wrote, only a couple of weeks after arriving on campus, I described how desperately I wanted to move onto campus. I was optimistic about meeting people in other ways, but I knew it would be hard, and I was right. 

Moving on campus is the best thing that’s happened to me since I’ve been here. I feel so much more connected to the community and my friends and feel more like a normal student. I no longer have to identify myself as a transfer every time I meet someone new, and my phone notified me last week that my average steps have decreased by thousands a day since December. 

Despite my relief at living in a dorm, however, I am grateful for my time off-campus and the lessons it taught me. I was forced to come out of my shell in a way I never had been before; I had to go far out of my way to make friends, go to events alone that I never would’ve otherwise considered attending and talk to people in my classes that freshman year I might have been content to sit next to in silence. 

I’ve noticed that one of the most repeated compliments I’ve heard alumni give about this school is how friendly and close-knit it is. When I first arrived here, I wondered if I would stand out; although I try to be friendly, I have chronic RBF, and I can be awkward when first meeting people. Since I’ve been here, however, I’ve begun to wonder if students here don’t necessarily come in with outgoing personalities but develop them because of the culture we cultivate. 

For example, I have grown in a lot of ways since I became a Domer. I’ve improved at in-class small talk (I marveled at how friendly people were when I first got here), I’ve become more open to different kinds of friendships than I’ve stuck to in the past, and in general, I have expanded my circle of friends in a way that I was never able to when I could lean on people in my small high school or dorms in the past. 

I think that we tend to attribute too much of what makes us Notre Dame to the dorm system. Yes, it is a great replacement for Greek life; it’s a lot of fun, it’s an amazing way to meet people and it is a close-knit and welcoming way to live. But I also know that I met most of my best friends outside of my dorm, and I have found that same sense of closeness and friendship in clubs, classes, service opportunities and more.

The year is coming to an end; with it, for a lot of students (whether you’re going abroad, moving off-campus, graduating or otherwise), is the dorm experience. I hope that everyone leaving the dorm they’ve come to know, love and forever associate with our school can challenge themselves to find community in new ways (even if it’s as alumni!), just like 60 nervous transfer students had to last August.

When someone asks me what dorm I’m in, I take a lot of joy in being able to answer. My response of “PDub” has become so automatic that I sometimes forget how much relief and belonging I finally felt the first time I got to say it. As someone who has lived both a nontraditional and now the traditional ND experience, I can say one thing for sure: our culture, dorm or otherwise, is something special.