Silence.

Not a pause, but an absence. 

Not ceasement, but remembrance. 

Forgotten—your silence.

I believe we have forgotten how to live in silence.

Its pressing presence is preferred at a distance, as an abstract happenstance. Yet it is the most natural and evident of states. And for some, there is no more terrifying fact than that.

When I speak of silence, I do not mean a literal kind. A literal silence can be most loud. I suppose, I speak of a genuine kind. A silence that penetrates beyond the veil of thoughts that blind and bind your mind. 

For you see, every day, I hear and live the tales of humanity’s paralysis at silence. I witness, first and second-hand alike, people unable to have a meal alone in silence. Always, there are phones at hand, homework assignments displayed in devices and notes, or an unbearable urge to travel elsewhere. Every day, I find people incapable of going for a walk without music or company. I am told of those who cannot fall asleep without white noise, or YouTube videos, or being held close to another’s heart. Of those who cannot drive without their podcast on, those who simply cannot sit still nor live alone, those who make excuses for their every behavior, those who are asphyxiated by thin air. I listen to the whispers betwixt the leaves of those who claim to be divorced from their thoughts entirely, opting for the disharmonious bloviation of all external. 

Before we proceed, a note must be made. To merely blame the advancement of technology or social media as culprits is shortsighted, to say the least. Indeed, they are festering wounds that worsen the issue at hand, but they are far from the cause of this illness. This sickness is an existential threat to the integrity of our consciousness: people cannot tolerate silence.

Horrified, they huddle at the cacophony of life, throwing themselves into whichever medium is the loudest. People commit themselves to careers, hobbies and relationships in pursuit of anything that could satisfy their void. People enter religions, form groups, create families, permit fanaticism to override their senses, embrace nationalism or patriotism or racism to bring a perpetual hum into their lives. People go through extremes to find others before they can bear the thought of finding themselves. We, as people, are intimately afraid; afraid of that which lies in the silence.

Again, many would claim their thoughts to be the source of their horror at silence. That in silence the compressed ideas and worries and emotions we carry within will all spring into the light. But, this is impossible. Why, thoughts are noise too. Thoughts traverse through us, but are not us. In silence, there are no thoughts. Silence is that which lies beyond all these hidden, suppressed, shamed thoughts. In silence, there is you.

What does that mean? It is different for everyone, I suppose. I am unsure of what you will find, if you genuinely search. It will not be emotions, it will not be duties nor names nor titles nor hopes. It will be something new, maybe. Or, perhaps, something old, ancient and dormant. Something true.

Morbidly, we sprout joy out of pushing truth away. We encounter pride in marching on, in the ignorance of the raw rage that is generated by our contradictory state of affairs. We commend our efforts of violating our selfhood, and applaud the fruit of our evil deeds. We have created a society that venerates cacophony, and silence is nowhere to be found.

But, silence is what you are.

Therefore, I ask you one thing. When was the last time you sat outside on a bench, in silence, for five minutes? Not checking texts, replying to emails, or crossing out mental items. Not thinking, not feeling, just being. Alone, with the one person you will forever be with: you. 

When was the last time you stopped chasing away the silence? 

When was the last time you were you?