I have just under two months.
Two months left of my Spotify subscription? Two months worth of laundry? Two months left to live?
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I have two months until the prospect of a beautiful, mystical, all-that-I-could-ever-dream-of teenage romance is gone forever.
I’m almost 20.
However, fear not. I am not going to sit idle as my doomsday draws nearer. For the first time ever, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands.
Oh, ok, so you may be thinking: She’s downloading Hinge? Frequenting dorm parties? Reading up on wikiHow?
Again, wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I’m instead relying on this very vessel. The tri-campus student newspaper will just have to deliver my heart to safety.
“This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.” (Please replace Obi-Wan Kenobi with The Observer.)
Because I am not nearly poetic enough to replicate Rupert Holmes’ “Escape,” I’ve devised my most genuine advertisement based on a far less pleasant, but far more classic song. Please see my ABCs below:
A is for animals. The other day, I reluctantly watched a squirrel eat a pink piece of paper outside of South Dining Hall. Beautiful wildlife encounters like these never fail to leave me speechless.
B is for blue raspberry. My go-to slushie, Jolly Rancher, snow cone and Rita’s flavor. #bluetongueforever.
C is for Canadian tuxedo. Denim on denim. Jeans and my beloved jean jacket. There is no better combo.
D is for Dr. Martens. I know how to appreciate a good Doc (I have eight pairs.)
E is for Ellie. Ellie is my dog. She is 11, a chocolate lab and the very best.
F is for “Frozen 2.” Sorry, it would be misleading if I didn’t include it. Amazing soundtrack. Captivating plot. Fantastic movie.
G is for gifting. I love giving intentional presents. HMU now if you want to be receiving a gift by Christmas.
H is for Halloween. Possibly my favorite holiday. Please don’t let me be Jane from “Breaking Bad” without Jesse next October.
I is for Indian food. My favorite cuisine. Mishawaka’s India Garden is only about 12 minutes away …
J is for Jeopardy. I’m not very good, but I enjoy regularly watching the show and (shoutout) listening to my dad answer every question (mostly) correctly at home.
K is for knick knacks. E.g., my quad’s extensive, insanely fun and unique magnet collection adorning our stacked mini fridges.
L is for legendary. My roommate’s first pick when I told her I was looking for an “L-word” related to me.
M is for melancholy. My favorite word. Not only does it have a wonderful sound, but it also has a wonderful meaning. Nothing beats the combined pain and joy of the bittersweet.
N is for nature. My summer’s mission is to immerse myself in the unparalleled northeast wilderness. Will I return?
O is for Oasis. A long-time personal favorite thanks to my parents’ listenership to SiriusXM’s Lithium. Cheers to British rock.
P is for plaid. My favorite pattern. Ultra classic. Ultra cool.
Q is for quiet. I love a good quiet walk or car ride. The quiet makes me appreciate stillness, small sounds and company like nothing else.
R is for rocks. Why am I lagging behind on our walk? Why are my pockets so heavy? Why do I have so many?
S is for swimming. Once a creek kid, always a creek kid. I will swim in (practically) any body of water. Surprisingly, I have not made my lakes splash yet.
T is for tea. My non-water drink of choice. Every time I can have my late morning tea out of a real mug in South, an angel gets its wings.
U is for understanding. Something of undeniable importance. My name is Grace after all, the least I can do is offer others some too.
V is for vintage. Little compares to the joy of mother-daughter antiquing.
W is for watermelon. The amount of watermelon I ate last summer made the transition back to dining hall fruit in the fall extremely difficult (I went on a self-termed fruit fast). Anyone up for a watermelon eating contest? (I will bet money on my abilities)
X is for x-ray fish. I like fish. Fish are neat.
Y is for yard sale. Stumbling across a yard sale is like finding money in your pocket, only better. Pyrex, afghans and old jeans, oh my!
Z is for zzz. My favorite place to nap is my driveway on a breezy summer evening. Mmm … the best kind of hug (warm pavement).
Welp, that’s all folks!
If you are looking to avoid the threat of a life changing romance-less adolescence yourself, stir the pot that is your (stagnant?) dating life or connect with someone you believe may very well be your soulmate ... please give me a holler.
But how can you do so, you may ask?
Approach the person who has been sitting in South Dining Hall for an eon, throw a couple of stones at the only window of Lyons still lit up at ungodly hours or, simply, send me an email.
I know, I know. We have two weeks left of school. Well, what better way to go out with a bang (not literally)?
But hey, I get it. It’s a busy time of year. If study dates aren’t your thing, don’t worry.
Sure, my teenage years will be gone in a flash, but realistically, I’m going nowhere fast.
And last I checked, there isn’t a long line, or even a line.
To those in relationships, congratulations. Thank you for reading.
To those not, gtadajwe@nd.edu.
