Dating at Notre Dame. Wow, this is a hefty task; however, I am going to try my best. Here we go.
But first, a PSA: I am a freshman, I am a novice dater, and I am also a hopeless romantic. Take this with a grain of salt.
On Sunday night, my friends and I filed into the bustling auditorium in Hesburgh Library, awaiting our enlightening seminar held for freshmen on the compelling topic of dating. Curious, and maybe even a little bit in need of the advice, we were excited to hear what the University had to say about what they wish for us.
To our surprise, Notre Dame meets “Sex and the City?” No, I’m joking. I guess it’s more leaning into Carrie Bradshaw’s fabulous philosophy: Embrace casual dating. And you know what, thank goodness. “Let me find my husband at DomerFest.” Bye. “Ring by spring.” Please.
The professor, full of advice and funny anecdotes of his own dating experience, offered a different conversation than Notre Dame’s typical rhetoric. One that was airy, silly and low pressure. I feel as though the common theme here is that the dating scene is relatively serious. Yet, Notre Dame came out with a different take: Getting to know one another. That’s it. If you’re looking for a relationship, if you were in that auditorium, if you want to explore something new, go for it.
The professor handed us each a challenge, one I fully support and challenge anyone reading to do. It is titled “The Dating Assignment.” The challenge originated as a class assignment given by a professor at Boston College after she observed our generation’s horrific dating lives, because let’s be honest, they are.
Sure, we can discuss school, the latest function or our dinner plans, but wow, we are bad at discussing our feelings. Especially when they are romantic. Rather, we turn to situationships, Snapchat talking phases and “??” to hide our true feelings, which frankly aren’t that big of a deal. Why have they become such a big deal?
Anyways, let’s dive in! Here are, apparently, the 12 golden rules of dating:
1. Ask IN-PERSON: Okay, we can all agree, let’s move on. But let me also say this: Please ask for the phone number. Can we all just let Snapchat stay in our high-school era?
2. Within THREE DAYS: Not really sure what this means, and everyone’s busy. Go at your own pace? I fear we don’t know that the opposite gender exists until Friday hits.
3. A Romantic INTEREST: I once asked one of my friends if he has ever once gone for the girl in the room he finds to be the most attractive, he replied, “Never.” I was shocked. Just go for it! No one wants to be the second choice.
4. Somebody NEW: Ask someone you aren’t friends with/don’t know. Why not? Have your own side quest, what do you have to lose?
5. Be OPEN AND HONEST: Basically, make sure that you have your whole entire heart out on the table so they know this is in fact a date, not a hangout you will later claim was “just as friends.”
6. Only 45-90 MINUTES: Hot take — this one is terrific. Keep an element of yourself a surprise. Agree to get back to it!
7. Make A PLAN: You ask, you have a plan. There is nothing less attractive than the “So … what do you want to do.” Pick something, say it, do it.
8. You ASK, You PAY: I am having a hard time with this because this could go so many ways. Say you’re on a coffee date, I would think you just pay for yourselves? But also, some girls appreciate being paid for when on the first date, and conversely, some men get offended if women pay? I don’t know, this might be one you just have to feel out yourself?
9. But ONLY $10: Unfortunately, I think this assignment was before the age of the $8 coffee. I cannot think of one thing you could collectively do for $10. Let’s say, no more than $20. Unless you go for a lake walk! Honestly, that’s even better.
10. No TOUCHY: Please never repeat this again. Touchy? Hello? What is happening here? Anyways, I think that a nice hug will suffice after the FIRST date. Maybe a kiss after the second if it goes well? Use your best judgment, but most of all, have fun.
11. Tell THREE PEOPLE: Wait, but the best part of going on a date is beating the dead horse 10 times over with your eight best friends while eating leprechaun waffles in SDH. I fear this one is not ever going to work for me. I must ruminate, and I know secretly you do too. Why not enjoy the debrief?
12. Go ALONE: Um … is this not self-explanatory? It’s no longer middle school, please stop referring to your awkward double date as a “two-man.” You got this! And honestly, it’s easier this way. Trust me.
Hopefully, you appreciated my interpretation of this assignment, and hopefully you also do it! My mom sent me an Instagram reel about life advice per usual, and it said: “Before you know it you are going to be working a desk job with people your parents’ age. College is the time to date.” And it’s so true. When will we be in a concentrated environment of people our age again? We don’t need to find our marriage partners at DomerFest, it’s FRESHMAN year. And anyways, you either take advantage and learn now, or you get on an app in your 20s. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that there is an in between.
Be chalant, ask someone out, be okay with the fall out, move on, rinse and repeat. It’s not that deep. And as my parting piece of encouragement, I offer some wildly entertaining testimonials from anonymous daters. (Just in case it doesn’t work out, you know you’ll be fine.) Enjoy.
“I once went on a date and my date smelled so horribly of B.O. that I told him just because I thought maybe he would want to know. I mean, I would want to know. Well, he ended up telling me that deodorant isn’t something people put on every day. I laughed because I thought he was joking. He left from embarrassment.”
“One time I didn’t feel like going to my SYR and a guy came into the dorm a few days before walking the halls yelling ‘Does anyone need a date?’ My friends brought him to me and he turned out to be super cool. We spent most of the time talking in my room rather than going to the SYR, and then he asked me to come back to his room in Sorin College to see his pet DUCK. I never did.”
“Does Nick’s Patio following a 2-7 party where you realize he may actually be a reincarnated confederate soldier, so you go home and listen to Alanis Morrisette to recover count?”
“I don’t want to. I have my eye on somebody.”
“My best friend’s roommate’s date to an SYR peed in the sink in their dorm room because he didn’t want to go back downstairs to the first floor to stand in line to use the men’s restroom. I fear I covet the nuns at this point.”
My final statement: We are in a wonderful place with wonderful people. ENJOY IT.
