Spending time around so many young adults in the past year and a half, I have found myself puzzling over how the people around me have come to be who they are. When thinking about college students’ personalities and behaviors, my mind defaults to thinking about their upbringings and parents. At an age where I can begin to have serious conversations with parents about their experiences in raising children, I have developed a deeper understanding of child development and greater appreciation for parents. With more exposure and curiosity of the parent side of the parent-child relationship, I have become more excited about the idea of having children of my own.
Though I have only had the lived-experience of being a child in this relationship, I have an idea of how parenting works. Here is my way of understanding parenting: it is like a game of tug-of-war with a child, where the progression of the game is dictated completely by the parent(s). The objective of the parent is to keep the game competitive. To pull the rope too hard will hurt the child, and may cause them to leave the game completely. To give too much slack might give the child an unwarranted confidence in their own capabilities.
I have met a lot of people whose parents pulled too hard on the rope. Typically, in a strict, tense relationship, the child might completely abandon the rope and decide to play a game where they dictate the rules. This may mean that they move out when they become independent and never look back. They may also pretend while they are still playing the game while they are secretly acting in rebellion to their parents by participating in activities that they would not approve of.
Conversely, I have seen people who were given too much slack. From lack of care or fear that they would tug the rope too hard, they let their kids do whatever they want. When the child believes that they are winning the game, they may start to believe that they are in power in other situations in their life, as they are in control of their most fundamental authority in their lives. This leads to their own troubles, where they are disenchanted too late to save themselves from danger.
The goal then is to achieve a balance. Parenting muscles have to be exercised in push and pull movements to maintain a good image in the child’s eyes and maintain their respect and authority in the relationship. My perspective is narrow, and I have much to learn. Nevertheless, I am intrigued by parenting and look forward to having a child of my own down the road.
Gen Z and millennials are becoming increasingly reluctant towards the idea of having children. A 2023 survey by The Times showed that only 55% of respondents expressed a desire for having children in the future. This is from a multitude of factors, ranging from personal financial instability to a strong individualism movement among the generations. Personal financial inability to support a child is a completely valid reason to hold off on having children — it has always been. These generations have witnessed economic and global catastrophes that incite fear and anxiety around the idea of bringing children into the world. An article published by UnHeard discusses a different repellant: a selfish individualism that stems from drawn out adolescence. Gen Z and Millennial children have had enough slack to draw out their adolescent teenage views into adulthood because of a plague of entitlement that comes from a Western cultural movement that overvalues the importance of individual pleasure. People are motivated to pursue their own desires in defiance of larger communities and institutions that encourage altruistic behavior.
The result is a Gen Z dreamscape of endless world travel and fun. People would rather remain “free” and travel the world to feed their own endless appetites. Commitment to any person or role that restricts their ability to exercise personal freedom is too frightening for people to want to bring a child into the world. They would have to sacrifice the pursuit of pleasure that they feel entitled to and in turn prevent new children from experiencing the beauty of life.
Though I do not often think of having children as a college student, sometimes I find myself staring off in the dining hall and thinking of why I would find parenting fulfilling. I love sharing myself with others, and I am compassionate about making an impact on the people I interact with. Having a child would be the most intimate way to share my heart and mind with another human being. To bring up a child would be a war of sorts, but I would certainly love to show my child the ways in which I have come to see and love the world.
Matt Baird, proud native of Danville, California, is a sophomore majoring in English and finance. He enjoys walking, listening to music, and humming.
