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Tuesday, April 16, 2024
The Observer

‘Tis NOT the season!

Well, it’s just about that time of year again when Hallmark viewership skyrockets, consumerism runs rampant in the name of spreading holiday cheer and chubby old dudes with white beards can make a quick buck or two at the mall by impersonating a saint. What’s not to be loved? But before we unleash Mariah Carey, I must confess that this year, all I want for Christmas is for the holiday to be celebrated at its proper time: after Thanksgiving. Every year people seem to want to deck the halls earlier and earlier, which means each year I have to beg my friends to turn off their Christmas tunes and put away the decorations until after turkey day. But before you send the Ghost of Christmas Past to teach me a lesson, I would like to make clear that I love rockin’ around the Christmas tree as much as the next girl. I just can’t tolerate when people start spreading Christmas cheer all willy-nilly. 

I understand that everyone is eager to start celebrating the most wonderful time of the year, but there’s no need to rush things. When you start Christmas too early, it loses some of the magic in that it only comes once per year. The more Christmas is dragged out, the less special that one month becomes. If you opened a couple of presents each week before Christmas, the actual day would lose some of its specialness. There is value in the anticipation that builds as November slowly passes. Then, that glorious day, as the previous day’s feast digests and Christmas time arrives, it is pure joy beyond what you could ever imagine. The “Christmas” that starts in November is a meager version of the holiday that gradually evolves into a true celebration. Yet Christmas should be like a snowball of bliss that nails you in the face, but rather than a trip to the ER it’s a trip to the Christmas tree farm! 

Not to mention, when people start celebrating in early November, by the time that I am finally ready to start celebrating, most people have already tired of it. It’s impossible to keep up true Christmas spirit for a whole two months if you’re doing it right. Contrary to the motto all the responsible upperclassmen tell freshmen before tailgates: when it comes to Christmas, it’s a sprint, not a marathon. (Please still drink responsibly). But if you start sprinting during November, you’ll be out of energy by the time December comes around. After all, if you take Santa’s milk out now, it will be spoiled by the time we get to Christmas Eve. That’s why this year, I’m dreaming of a white Christmas a Christmas that is celebrated at its proper time.

I would also like to take a moment to appreciate Thanksgiving, the middle child of holidays. Although it’s often forgotten, it truly is a great holiday (excluding its problematic past) that deserves its moment in the spotlight. Thanksgiving is kinda like Nick Jonas in the original Jonas Brothers. He was never given a true chance to shine in the group, but once he went solo, we got to appreciate his talent. Maybe the reason you don’t like Thanksgiving is that you don’t give it a real chance. Go make some new traditions. Start a family football game, play Pin the Tail on the Turkey, go crazy for heaven’s sake. If we take our minds off Christmas presents, we can finally enjoy THE present. 

If I may take a moment to theorize, part of me believes that our desire to celebrate Christmas early is the result of social media and modern technology screwing with our dopamine, making us unnaturally impatient. People have been trained to desire instant gratification, and Christmas in November is just a reflection of that. Nowadays, people aren’t able to persevere and exercise the patience to wait for Thanksgiving. Christmas is coming, but there’s no reason to order (polar) express shipping. Just stick with standard shipping and Christmas will arrive in 20-25 days after Halloween like it should. A little patience would do everyone some good. 

All that being said, as much as I would like to be able to control everybody and make them comply with my every desire, I don’t have that power (yet). (I’m still looking for the last infinity stone, let me know if you know where it is). What I mean to say is that I can’t stop you from listening to Christmas music. So if you cotton-headed ninny muffins really need a little Michael Bublé in your lives right now and are OK with ruining Christmas for yourself then fine. But just keep it to yourself so you don’t ruin it for the rest of us. Please take what I have said to heart and oh by golly have a holly jolly Christmas this year (but only after Thanksgiving).

Allison Abplanalp is a sophomore finance and accounting major. If she could change one thing about the English language, she would make “a lot” one word. Her least favorite month is March because every year she is devastated when she fails to pick the perfect march madness bracket.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.