Every week or so, Opinion columnist Zora Rodgers responds to anonymous advice submissions. To get advice, fill out this form.
Dear Domer, I went on a first date with a guy to a Mexican restaurant. He did NOT get queso. Am I wrong to judge him for this?
Dear Domer, and I have never said this before, but is it bad that I’m on the guy’s side? What if the poor dude is lactose intolerant? That is not a reason to judge. Sometimes queso just isn’t the vibe. I can see why you’d be concerned, but if that’s honestly his biggest red flag, then I say keep seeing him! Good luck!
Dear Domer, my boyfriend thinks his miniscule problems are a huge deal and won’t stop telling me about them. How do I get him to shut up?
Dear Domer, this is a fabulous question! There are two ways that you can go about this. Number one is healthier than number two. On the one hand, this first option is gentler but probably won’t solve the problem in the long-term. Try making him feel better about his issues by complimenting him. Hear me out! If he’s complaining about getting a B on a quiz, for example, say “But I’m sure other people did much worse! You’re obviously very smart to have gotten such a good grade.” The “praise” will make him stop complaining because it makes him feel better about himself and less like the world is out to get him. This is a lesson taken straight out of the book, “Why Men Love Bitches,” so you know it’s legit. The more toxic option is to pick a fight. If he’s boring you about, let’s say, going to the gym, you can pull out the famous Kourtney Kardashian line and remind him that there are people who are dying. This is textbook manipulation and will 100% lead to an argument. But it’s a surefire way to get your point across. Try both and lmk!!
Dear Domer, will you please make “Pink Pony Club” stop? I don’t know how to deal with hearing it everywhere I go.
Dear Domer, are you schizophrenic? I have not even heard “Pink Pony Club” at football games. Where are they playing it? I actually haven’t heard that song in forever, not even at the bars. I recommend the AirPod Pros. Their noise cancellation feature is so good, that when I first tried them at the gym, I thought someone had turned off the music in the gym. Sorry to hear you’ve been having problems!
Dear Domer, I see a guy working out at the Guglielmino Center in blue jeans like Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Is this concerning?
Dear Domer, that is odd. Maybe he didn’t have time to change before and still wanted to get a good pump? Was he hitting legs? I have so many questions. I think that that is very concerning, and I’m glad you wrote to me. If he’s in the Gug, isn’t he an athlete or team manager? Meaning he should have free, team-issued WORKOUT PANTS. I’m sorry this happened.
Dear Domer, I recently had a man I was dating for eight months tell me he didn’t want me to be his girlfriend and broke things off. He said he wanted to continue being friends, but we haven’t been in contact since he cut things off. How do I get revenge without looking desperate or going ghost?
Dear Domer. Yikes. I’m sorry that happened! Set a clear boundary with him. I don’t condone friendships with exes. They’re messy and never just casual. The faster you amicably cut things off, the faster you can begin to heal. I think in regards to setting boundaries, tell him you need space. This can be over text or in-person, if he ever reaches out. In regard to revenge, the loudest thing you can do is live your best life. Sounds corny, but it’s true. Not that I condone this, but the second you’re healed he will come crawling back. That’s how men are, unfortunately. But that doesn’t mean you should let him back in. Best of luck to you on your healing journey!!
Dear Domer, I saw a cute guy at ABP while I was waiting with my best friend for her strawberry smoothie. It may have been obvious that we were looking at him and smiling (and whispering because we can’t keep our big mouths shut). However, he walked away and glanced at us, but no words were exchanged. Advice for talking to men in these scenarios? How do I break the ice? Will I see him again?
Dear Domer, less staring and more talking!! Staring scares away anyone who is in their right minds (and we want someone who is in their right mind). Maybe compliment his outfit some time and ask him where he got something in particular. Perfect way to strike up a conversation. Try it and lmk!!
Dear Domer, my roommate gave up on shampoo due to forever chemicals. He reeks. How do I tell him that the stank follows him through campus?
Dear Domer, I have been in a similar situation. Don’t do what I did, which is tell my friend who is closer to the stanker to tell him that he stinks. I say this because he confronted me, and I cried! Life is full of uncomfortable conversations, and this is good practice in one of them. Maybe say something like, “Hey, have you considered switching to a different shampoo? I don’t think this one is working, said with love.” Those last three words are really important. Or, if he vapes/drinks, say “Why are you worried about forever chemicals in your shampoo when you ingest them regularly?” I feel like the people most worried about aluminum and forever chemicals are the biggest hypocrites. Try it and let me know!
Dear Domer, I have a crush on a guy in the same friend group as me and I don’t know what to do about it. I feel like I’m totally stuck in the friend zone, and as a girl, I don’t want to make the first move! I really don’t want to ruin the group dynamics or the friendship. How do I get over this crush? Or do I have to make a move?? I feel like we get along so well but I don’t know how to assess if he feels the same way. PLEASE HELP!
DEAR DOMER!!! I am here for you girl. I have a friend who was in the same situation. It’s definitely tricky because you don’t want to ruin the friend dynamic, but I’d argue that the dynamic is already jilted because of your feelings, despite him being oblivious. I am a huge advocate for going after what you want and making the first move! Men are often shy, and if he feels the same way, he probably won’t do anything. Men used to go to war, and now they can’t even tell you when they have feelings. The first thing you can do is ask around. Do some digging and find out if he’s talking to anyone. Use one of your TRUSTWORTHY friends as a plant and have them ask him how he feels about you (time and place matter, of course). If you want to make a move, you can’t go wrong with some casual flirting! Ask him if he’s going out to the bars when the weekend comes, and get flirty. Touch his arm, compliment his outfit and if it’s going well and he’s reciprocating, call him cute/attractive and see how he reacts. Scary, but liquid courage will definitely help. I would never lead you astray. I have tried this myself and have a 100% success rate. Please please let me know how it goes by emailing zrodgers@nd.edu or responding back to the Google Form! Good luck bestie!
Dear Domer, recently I’ve realized that I have NO idea how to tell when people are flirting with me. My friends always point out when someone is supposedly trying to get with me, but I can never see what they’re talking about. I fear this is becoming a significant obstacle to my love life. Are my friends delusional or am I really just the most oblivious person alive?
Dear Domer, you knocked it out of the park with this one. I don’t think your friends are delusional. They have no reason to be! I’m sure you’re very good looking, and hey, being oblivious is not a crime. You came to the right person for help. Certain people will never leave you guessing when it comes to flirting. However, introverts exist, and a gray area emerges. Here are some ways to tell if someone is flirting with you: eye contact, being looked up and down, them looking at your mouth (weird I know), playful touching, laughing at something you said even if it wasn’t funny, lots of smiling, compliments, etc. If you pick up on one or more of these mannerisms (that are often subconscious on their part), try flirting back! See my previous response for flirting tips. Hopefully this helps and your love life starts seeing better days!
Dear Domer, how should I slide into a random man’s DMs if we met on an app?
Dear Domer, I would say “How have I never DM’d you before you’re so cute.” Just like that, but no punctuation. I only added some because my editor would crucify me if I didn’t for the sake of the English language. That DM is simple and straight to the point. It takes a special type of person to send that DM, but I believe you are that special person. Like I said, I would never tell you to do something I wouldn’t do. I have sent that exact message before and, like Steph Curry when he shoots for three, it was good. Good luck!
Zora Rodgers is a senior at Notre Dame. She has a Ph.D. in clocking your tea and is about as much a doctor as a chiropractor. She also went to the Wendy Williams School of Journalism for her master’s. Zora is perfectly unqualified to answer your questions, and her favorite pastime is sticking her nose in places it doesn’t belong. You can reach her at zrodgers@nd.edu with your questions, comments, compliments or if you just want to be extra.
