Spend more time alone

Going from high school to college, we are expected to be in tune with our social life. This means hanging out with friends when you don’t have work to catch up on, studying with them, going out to parties and regularly planning and talking to one another on a somewhat daily basis. But what if that wasn’t the case? What if you have a group of friends, but you don’t hang out much or talk to them regularly? What if you don’t like parties and would rather spend time relaxing and turning on a movie to unwind from the week?

What if you struggled with making friends and find yourself spending most of your time by yourself and doing things you love alone?

As college students, we can often feel pressured to be a part of something; this can be in terms of having a set group of friends, being a part of different clubs or putting yourself out there to be seen. The problem is that when students don’t follow this track, they can often be seen as being a loner or someone who stands on the sidelines of life watching everyone else.

The term “being on the sidelines” often carries a negative connotation. We see it appear in terms of sports: sitting on the bench or the sidelines while your teammates are working hard to play the game. Why does that automatically assume that the bench isn’t also playing the same game, but in different terms and conditions? 

Being on the sidelines means taking time for yourself to regroup and look at the game in a new light. This game is our life and the way we decide to live it. Being “benched” means that you are still part of the team, still in the environment of others, still learning the “plays” of life. This doesn’t exclude you from the rest; it means you are going on your own to focus on your own talents and abilities. 

When you take a solo walk, try something new without company or go to study by yourself; this is where you build self-awareness, confidence and patience. Humans often need breaks after we rush onto the field to make the next move to expand our social network and to “get ahead” of the game. The sidelines are made for recharging and learning who you are off the scoreboard of a college student.

Doing things by yourself is an act of self-trust. You’re saying to yourself, “My company is enough, and I value taking time to spend with myself.” You don’t need validation from others or have to wait to experience something new, it’s your own personal choice, a quiet rebellion against the fear of being seen alone. The bench isn’t a waiting place; it’s a choice to sit with yourself until the moment feels right to play again. 

When you are alone, life can almost feel like it’s moving at a slower pace. You feel and experience things more fully and closely than you did before. You take notice of your surroundings, tune in to the noise and conversations happening around you and move through life as a new person. You’re not performing for others or splitting your attention between people and moments; you are fully there in that moment of time. Solitude teaches mindfulness without you even realizing it. 

The sidelines of life can be a place where you rediscover what actually makes you happy, not what everyone else desires for themselves. When you give yourself space, you start doing things for yourself. You can stay in and read a book, choosing to go to parties because you want to, not because you should experience the “full” college experience. You take long walks, paint, write or learn something new simply because it brings you joy. 

You stop rushing just to feel involved. It allows you to step back and slow down to work on yourself, a key part of being in college. Being alone becomes less about missing out and more about catching up with yourself. 

Maybe solitude isn’t about being left out of the game. Maybe it’s about learning how to play on your own terms and conditions. And when it’s time to step back onto the field, you won’t just play the game of life that everyone else does. You create your own version, because you took the time to get to know yourself and regroup when the crowd went silent.