Spooky season is officially over, and I’ve spent the first five days of November mourning the fact that it's no longer socially acceptable to be constantly eating candy. Gone are the times when I filled awkward silences by asking people what they’re dressing up as for Halloween, so be prepared to tell me what you’re thankful for instead. Major props to anyone who made it out of Halloweekend alive. But that being said, there were still some clear winners and losers from this holiday.
Winners:
1. Late-night partiers
For those who like to close out the bar and stay well-rested, this Halloweekend, you could have your candy and eat it too. Thanks to daylight savings time, we had an extra hour of sleep to fall back on if Natio’s was calling your name. This is a major victory for lobbyists against the stupid Sunshine Protection Act, which just proved you in fact can buy more time.
2. Aspiring Notre Dame kickers
If your toxic trait is watching professional sports and thinking “I could do that,” this may be your golden opportunity. Anyone with a foot and enough coordination to place a football between two posts 18 feet apart can finally fulfill their Rudy dreams and make their father proud for once. And with Notre Dame’s No. 10 ranking in the initial CFP rankings, our team miraculously emerged from the weekend as winners as well.
3. Underage students who snuck into the bar using a costume
Props to anyone who managed to pull off the 21+ costume this weekend. Convincing the bouncer you’re actually your older sister’s boyfriend’s 22-year-old lab partner has never been easier, given the limited-time normalcy of wigs, masks and disguises. For every freshman who got a taste of the infamous South Bend bar scene, congrats!
4. The girl who dressed as a footlocker employee
My favorite costume from the weekend was undoubtedly the girl who everyone thought was dressed as a referee, but was really a Foot Locker employee. I appreciate a costume with hidden depth, and for this Foot Locker employee costume, the shoe fits. Blowing a whistle and making people feel dumb are two of my favorite going-out activities, so I respect a costume that incorporates both.
5. Everyone who dressed warmly
Whether your outfit was creative or part of the other 95% of costumes I saw, anyone dressed for the elements was an automatic winner. I don’t know if it was the sub-50-degree weather or spooky decorations, but I had the chills all weekend. Plus, Uber’s price gouging had my friends dusting the cobwebs off their walking shoes and suggesting we make the frigid trek from Corby’s to campus. So instead of candy, I’ll be snacking on cough drops all week long.
Losers:
1. Everyone dressed as the Louvre Heist
This will likely offend lots of people, which is exactly the problem. The first time I heard about this topical costume, I chuckled, but by the time I got in the Uber to CJ’s Thursday night, I was disillusioned with any former notion of its creativity. Unfortunately, this costume was too viral, cute and low effort, inundating the bars with construction vests that ruined every photo.
2. Everyone I criticized
In my attempt to be original while still wearing a construction vest, I dressed as constructive criticism, wearing a construction outfit while criticizing people. The later the night became, the more personal the criticism became. To the many men out there I called short and anyone else who caught a stray from me, my sincerest apologies. I hope I did not damage your ego too severely. In response to my costume, I’ve already poured out a sincere four-page handwritten apology. Please contact me if you also believe you are entitled to one. But, abiding by the principle of don’t dish it if you can’t take it, I also accepted criticism. To the person who said, “Be a little less yourself,” I can only respond with “ouch.” In the future, I will attempt to be something more uplifting.
3. People who now think it’s Christmas time
To anyone blasting Mariah Carey and Michael Bublé, I implore you to put away your holiday cheer. Sorry for getting on my soapbox again, but anyone who celebrates Christmas this early is ruining the holiday. There are plenty of high-spirited Thanksgiving songs you can gobble up to keep your spirits high as the “permacloud” arrives. By overlooking Thanksgiving, we’re missing the opportunity to show gratitude and consume vitamins B6, B12, niacin and phosphorus during our turkey feast.
4. Lactose-intolerant people
Bad day to be a dairy product in my pantry. Perhaps it was all the orange leaves and pumpkins I’ve been seeing, but something in the crisp air made me crave cheese like crazy this Halloweekend. Even my Saturday costume incorporated me carrying around a large bag of cheesy popcorn I handed out in true trick-or-treat fashion. Perhaps the global milk shortage and rising cheese prices made them feel like luxury goods. Regardless, the lactose-intolerant community was really missing out this weekend.
5. Everyone I cut in the Corby’s line
I pride myself on being a woman of great moral character, but everyone has a breaking point, and I found the 30-minute Corby’s line in the cold to be mine. I left any insulation out of my Grubhub robot costume, so to stay warm in a Grubhub robot manner, I kept “accidentally” running into people with coats on with the hopes of transferring some heat. But after the walk from Newf’s to Corby’s, I was desperate for some protection from the elements and the opportunity to share body heat and the common cold. Regardless, everyone who followed proper line etiquette this weekend can have a moral victory, but overall, they still got the short end of the stick.
Allison Abplanalp is a senior finance and accounting major. If she could change one thing about the English language, she would make "a lot" one word. Her least favorite month is March because every year she is devastated when she fails to pick the perfect March Madness bracket. You can contact Allison at aabplana@nd.edu.
